The Only Thanksgiving Cocktail You’ll Ever Need
Ingredients:
- Wild Turkey bourbon
- A crystal glass
Directions:
- Step 1: Sneak away to the liquor Cabinet.
- Step 2: Find your secret stash of Kentucky Straight Bourbon
- Step 3: Pour 3 fingers of whiskey, 4 if you’re watching the Lions
- Step 4: Consume
- Step 5: Repeat
We’ve shaken, poured, and tested some of the best recipes out there. And This is the ONE!
Ok, so straight up, we tried several varieties of cocktail recipes in an attempt to find you the ULTIMATE Thanksgiving day cocktail. It needed to be perfect. It needed to be delicious. It needed to get you through 12 hours with the in-laws. But nothing, absolutely nothing satisfied our requirements.
We tried. Trust us, we did. We tried Jell-o shots. We tried Apple Cider Margaritas. We tried Apple Pie Bourbon shots. We Googled day and night. And Google supplied us with a never-ending supply of cupcake-delicious cocktails. Go ahead, Google Thanksgiving drink recipes and watch your screen fill with an amazing array of delicious pictures. But let’s be honest, unless you identify as Martha Stewart, nothing’s realistic.
That’s right. Nothing foot the bill. Nothing. Who has pear juice lying around? Or apricot brandy in their liquor cabinet? What are we, the Marquis de Gramont? No. So, we began to despair. How were we supposed to listen to Uncle Ted talk about politics while grating nutmeg? How could we measure the exact amount of cinnamon whisky while listening to mom complain about dad’s sex life? Worst of all, who the hell has time to make cinnamon whiskey? Nobody.
All appeared lost
We were about to throw in the towel, distraught at having to be sober while watching the Lions play football. When out of the blue, we found our shining light of perpetual wisdom. Great-Grandma Alice.
That’s right, Great-Grandma Alice—Survivor of the Great Depression, Valiant stalwart during World War II, Maker of many a Thanksgiving turkeys—popped up from her wheelchair and strutted to the liquor cabinet like a cowboy sore from his horse. She kicked open the door and dug deep in the shadows of the cabinet. Glasses bottles clattered. Dust floated in the air. She coughed, then mumbled, “There you are, my old friend.”
Stepping back from the cupboard, she held a bottle of Wild Turkey over her head as if she drew Excalibur from the stone. Instantly, she pivoted to the China cabinet, grabbed a crystal glass with her wrinkled hand, and poured herself three fat-fingers worth of the Dirty Bird. And as quickly as it was poured, it was gone.
Salvation
This shining beacon of Thanksgiving enlightenment shook us to our senses and saved our holiday spirit. We threw all of the ridiculous drink recipes into the trash and found solace in her old wisdom. There was only one answer to our dilemma, and it was this—Bourbon.
